Wednesday, April 8, 2015

A to Z Blogging..."J is for..."

"...Job Loss"
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor of the Nebraska Family Times newspaper

When Someone Loses His or Her Job

A person’s job is a part of his or her identity, so losing a job is difficult for emotional reasons, not just financial ones. Here are some suggestions for helping a friend through this experience. 

What to Say

  • “I’m so sorry!”
  • “How are you doing?”
  • “Did you know it was coming?”
  • “What’s next?”  (The person might be planning to go back to school, look for a job in a completely different area, or open his
    own business rather than looking for another job right away. Ask, so you can offer your help and support as you‘re able to.) 
  • “What can I do to help?” 
  • “How is the job search going?”  (if the person is searching for another job).

What Not to Say

  • “What kind of severance pay did you get?”
  • “I knew that was a bad job for you.”
  • “How will you pay the rent, medical bills, power bill, and groceries, now that you don’t have an income?”

What to Do


  • Pass on job information, as appropriate. For example, tell your friend if a suitable position is available in your company, or if you see a promising job advertised in the want-ads. 
  • Be sensitive about asking questions like, “Did you send in that resume’?” “What are you doing today?”  The person might appreciate your friendly concern, but could see your questions as implying that he is not doing enough.  
  • Offer your help in any area of expertise; writing or reviewing a resume‘, coaching the person on interview techniques, and so on. If you expect to be paid for typing a resume‘, make that clear before you do it. For example, mention, “I wish I could do this for you for free, but I have bills! I will do it for half price, which is . . . “ If you are doing it as a gift, make that clear, also. “If you’d like, I’ll be happy to type up your resume’ for you, no charge. Just spread the word if you’re happy with my work!”
  • Let the person know with your words and actions that he is still your friend and your friendship isn’t based on him having a job.
  • Be encouraging, but realistic, as your friend searches for a job or a new direction. If he wants to apply for a job you feel is totally inappropriate, ask questions which will lead him to think about why the job might not be appropriate for him.    


Don’t . . . 


  • . . . make any discouraging comments about the job market, insurance, his bills, and so on. You can be sure these issues are already a worry to your jobless friend! 
  • . . . project your expectations on the person who has lost his or her job. He might not go about a job hunt as you would, or might choose to take a completely different path than you deem a good choice. Your job is to be supportive. If you feel he is making a mistake, ask questions about what you’re worried about and gently voice your concerns.  

If You’ve Lost Your Job

What to Say

  • “Would you please pray for . . . “
  • “It was quite a shock to learn that I didn’t have a job after next
    week!”
  • “I knew changes were coming, so it wasn’t a complete surprise.”
  • When people ask what they can do to help, tell them! 
  • “May I use your name as a reference when I fill out job applications?”
  • “I would like to get my resume’ to the right person in your office. To whom should I send it?” 
  • “Would you have time to take a look at my resume’ and give me suggestions to improve it?”
  • “I’m thinking of opening my own home business. You’ve been running your home business for several years; could we get together to talk about what it takes?”

What Not to Say

  • “I know you can get me a job at your company if you really want to.”

What to Do 

  • Remember to thank anyone who helps you, preferably in writing. If what they’ve done to help (like type your resume’) is part of their business, be sure to pass the information on to anyone you meet that could use the service.
  • Only tell people what you want to about losing a job; it‘s not necessary to divulge details if you don‘t want to.  

Don’t . . . 

  • . . . say anything negative about your old job or boss, or the people you worked with. You might be complaining to a potential employer! 
  • . . . talk negatively about your job search--that negativity will affect your attitude.   
What has someone said or done to help you after you've lost a job, or what did you do to help someone after he or she lost a job?
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This post is an excerpt from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”
by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!
 Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!
______________________________________________________
                                                                   
The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at 
where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”


A to Z Blogging..."G is for..."

"...Gossip"
From the "Words Matter" Series
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor of the "Nebraska Family Times" newspaper

Gossip

 Gossip seems harmless, but if you’ve ever been the victim of gossip, you know how hurtful words can be. God considers it a serious enough topic that there are many Bible verses warning against it (among them Lev. 19:16, Pro. 26:20, 22, and Eph. 4:29). Despite His warnings, it’s easy to get caught up in gossip almost without realizing it. If you are with someone, or a group of someones, and gossip begins, here are a few ways to stop it.  

What to Say

  • “I would not want people talking about the private details of my life, especially if there’s no way they could know what’s really going on. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and not speculate.”
  • Try humor; “Gosh, I’d hate to hear what you say about me when I’m not here! Let’s change the subject--how do you like the weather?” 
  • “My New Year’s resolution is to only say good things about other people. Do you want to join me in that resolution?”
  • “I don’t think it’s fair to talk about her when she’s not here to give her side of what happened.” Then change the subject; “So, how was your weekend?”
  • “Oh, my, look at the time! I’ve got to get back to work on that project.” 
  • If someone tries to tantalize you by hinting that she knows the details of the latest scandal, reply, “Well, I guess we’ll all know soon enough, won’t we?” and change the subject.

Have you ever caught yourself in the center of a group of people who are waiting to hear the juicy gossip that’s about to come out of your mouth? Here’s how to rescue yourself from that situation.

  • “Wait a minute--I know better than to spread gossip. Let’s
    change the subject--what are you doing this weekend?”
  • “Oh, no, I just heard my mom’s voice saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and I better listen to her!”
  • Dramatically clap your hand over your mouth and say, “A very non-Christian thing almost came out of my mouth--good thing my conscience is attached to my hand!”

What Not to Say

  • “Oh, please, tell me all the juicy details!”  
  • “Let me tell you everything I know!”

What to Do

  • Talk in a serious tone of voice, with a solemn look on your face, when you try to stop gossip. 
  • Walk away if gossip starts, or continues after you’ve tried to change the subject.

Don’t . . . 

  • . . .  even listen to gossip; by doing so you are saying with your actions that it’s OK to gossip.
  • . . . ignore gossip if it is about a friend (see next section).

Should You Tell Someone She’s Being Gossiped About?
Immediately refute any gossip about someone else, that you know to be false. Here are a few ways to do so. 

What to Say  

  • “I am her friend and I know that is absolutely untrue.”
  • “I would not want people talking about the private details of my life, especially if there’s no way they could know what’s really going on. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and not speculate.”

What Not to Say

  • “Oh, what else did you hear? Tell me all the details!”

What to Do

  • Walk away if the gossip continues.

Don’t . . . 

  • . . . repeat the gossip. 


Before you tell someone they are the subject of gossip, ask yourself if doing so will help that person. If what is being said is harmless--”What a haircut!” or, “I wouldn’t carry around a purse like that!”--there is no reason to repeat it to her; it would just be hurtful and there’s nothing she did to cause the gossip or can do to prevent it. 

However, if your friend’s actions are fueling gossip, you might want to draw her attention to her actions and the impression they are giving. In this case, not telling her could cause harm by hurting her reputation or family or even jeopardizing her job. Tell her gently, in private, how her actions appear. Be prepared for her to be upset, but reassure her you are telling her because of your concern for her well-being. 

What to Say

  • “I know you’re friends with the boss; in the cafeteria yesterday several people were speculating that you’re having an affair with him. Of course I assured them that you are not, but I wanted you to know how your actions around him look to some people.”
  • “I don’t know why your friendship with Chris ended, but she is saying that you borrowed money and did not pay it back. That does not sound like something you would do! Do you mind telling me what really happened so I can set people straight?”

What Not to Say

  • “Tell me all the details of what happened with you and the boss, so I can pass them on.” 

What to Do

  • Pray that your friend would realize how her actions appear.  
  • Reassure your friend of your support and friendship. 

Don’t . . . 

  • . . . share the names of the people doing the gossiping. 
  • . . . repeat the gossip to anyone else!

------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”
by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!
 Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!
______________________________________________________
                                                                   
The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.
I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide,
where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”