All Circumstances, Lord? ALL Circumstances?

All Circumstances, Lord? ALL Circumstances?

By Shelly Burke, Editor

Give thanks in all circumstances.               1 Thessalonians 5:18

About 10 years ago my kids and I and my sister and her daughter went to southern Missouri, where our parents retired, for Thanksgiving. My other sister and her husband, from Canada, were there too. It’s the one time a year we’re all together.

From the beginning, the trip seemed jinxed. Cody and Morgan and I drove to southern Nebraska to pick up Becky and Logan, and we got a flat tire on the way. In the dark. On a cold, cold night.

We got to Kansas City at rush hour time, and somehow ended up going through KC instead of around it (sidenote: in all the years mom and dad have lived in Missouri, I think there has been ONE TIME I’ve gotten AROUND Kansas City…the rest of the trips I’ve somehow managed to go through part or all of it!) The low fuel light was on…and we were stuck in construction.

We stopped at the first gas station we came to and my sister’s comment, after we got on the road again, was “Let’s stop at a prison next time…the restroom would probably be cleaner than that one!”

Within hours of getting to mom and dad’s, Cody complained of a stomach ache and started vomiting. The next day dad took us for a ride in his boat and on the way back to their home Morgan threw up…in the back of their car…that they’d just started leasing. There’s not one picture of us all together that Thanksgiving because either Cody or Morgan were sick in bed the whole three days we were there.

Early in the morning of the day after Thanksgiving, Becky woke me up. “Logan isn’t feeling good. I think we should leave so we get home before you and I get sick…or we could be here for a long time.” (Mom and dad and my sister Deb and her husband Steve were glad we left...as we drove out they were throwing open the windows to air out the house, despite the temperature being in the low 30’s.) We loaded up the green-faced kids, mom gave us an armload of towels, and we started the 400 mile drive home.

We stopped 8 times in the first two hours, in a few parking lots…gas stations…and at least once on the side of the road. It was very long trip.

Give thanks in ALL circumstances Lord? What could I possibly be thankful for about that Thanksgiving trip?

As it turns out, many things. We were able to coast into town on the flat tire, and it only took AAA a little while to get there and change the tire. We didn’t run out of fuel in the middle of construction in downtown Kansas City. I hope I’ve been in have been in the filthiest gas-station restroom that I will ever be in. Although there’s not a picture of all of us together that Thanksgiving, we were all together!  Becky and I didn’t get sick until we were home…and dad (who had to preach in church that Sunday) didn’t get sick at all.

Of course, our circumstances on that trip were very minor compared to many things people face every day—a terminal diagnosis, the sickness of a child, the break-up of a marriage, loss of a job. But God’s command is the same: Give thanks in all circumstances.

What can we give thanks for during trying, terrible times? If nothing else, our faith. And we can be thankful for Jesus and His death that gave us life. Nothing, and no one, no circumstance, can take away our salvation. No matter what the outcome of anything you are going through, you are not alone. The Lord is with you. And believers will be with Him, for eternity. And that is something to be thankful for!

Read more by Shelly at www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com. 

"The Only Way" Scripture Memory Challenge December

The Only Way

By Shelly Burke, Editor

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

                John 14:6

Chances are, if you’re reading the Nebraska Family Times, you know that Jesus is the only way to eternal life--heaven. Many people, however—even so-called believers—do not believe this.  Some believe that “it doesn’t really matter who I believe in—Mohammad, for example—or what I believe, as long as I really and truly believe it, I’ll get to heaven.”

Others believe in Jesus, but only believe that He was a “good man” or that He “didn’t really die and come back to life.”

Others believe that Jesus is part of the way to heaven…but to get there they must also be a  ”good enough”  person or pray “enough” of the right prayers or give “enough” money to the church or to charities.

In the verse above, Jesus does not say that He is “part of the way” to heaven, or “one of the ways” to get to heaven. He is very clear that He is the way to the Father, to God, to eternal life. Jesus does not say he is “part of the truth” or “one of the truths”; He says that He is the truth.

Do the people you love and  care about know this? Are you sure? If not (or even if you know they know that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life), invite them to one of the many church services that will be held this Christmas season. It’s easy—simply say, “Would you like to go to church with me Christmas Eve? Our church has a beautiful service—I just love singing the Christmas songs”, or “The choir concert at our church is wonderful—would you like to go with me?” or “I love starting Christmas Day celebrating the real reason—Jesus’ birth—and then continuing the celebration with family and our special dinner. Would you like to come with me to church?”

What better gift could you give someone than to introduce them to the eternal truth?

Shelly is the editor and publisher of the Nebraska Family Times. Read more at www.nebraskafamilytimes.blogspot.com. If you would like to receive FREE Scripture Memory Cards, email shellyburkern@gmail.com. 

7 Steps to Escaping Temptation 
By Shelly Burke, Editor 

God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 
1 Corinthians 10:13

To receive your FREE Scripture
Memory Card, see previous post!

Temptations are part of living in a world full of sin. However, we are not powerless in the face of temptation. While God doesn’t promise that we won’t be tempted, in this verse he does promise us a way out. However, we have to be active in resisting sin; God probably will not whisk you away to a safe place or cause an earthquake for distraction! 

Here are some ways to be active in preparing for temptation: 

1. Know your boundaries. Scripture gives us many absolute  boundaries; we are not to lie, steal, gossip, have sex outside of marriage, murder, or curse. When you have it in your mind that you will not do these things, based on God’s Word, you are much less likely to give in. 

2. Define your boundaries. Some boundaries are not absolute. Where limits are not specified in the Bible, determine your own limits. The Bible doesn’t forbid watching TV or listening to music or reading as long as it doesn’t lead us to sin, or distract us from Him. Ask God for discernment in choosing these activities. 

3. Avoid temptation. Do everything you can not to even be in a situation in which you’ll be tempted. Discuss limits if you are dating. Don’t be alone with a guy or girl if you’ll be tempted sexually. Avoid the breakroom at work if there is only negative talk and gossip among the people who are in there. 

4. Plan what you will do when you are in a tempting situation. Despite attempts to avoid temptation, at some point you will probably find yourself in a less-than-optimal situation. What will you do? Depending on the circumstances, you may choose to leave the situation quietly, speak up for your beliefs, or explain your beliefs. In some situations you might have to take dramatic action, like quitting a job in which you’re expected to lie or cheat. You might decide to stop hanging out with friends who cheat on their spouses. 

5. Pray. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know how to get out of the situation. Ask Him for the words to say and action to take. Ask Him to keep you strong. 

6. Role play with your kids. They face temptation too! Teach them at a young age what God’s Word says they should not do. Talk about copying homework, bullying other kids, stealing, sexual temptation, pornography, explicit books and movies, alcohol and drugs, playing violent video games, and so on. Define your limits (which are their limits too) and be firm in enforcing them. Talk about situations in which they might find themselves, and how they can “escape”. Discuss the importance of choosing friends with similar values. 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, “Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals.”   Some parents have an agreement in which if the child calls and says “Can you pick me up?” or gives a code word, the parent will, without question, pick them up and remove them from the situation. Our kids could tell their friends, “If I do that my mom will ground me for six months!” because it was the truth!  

7. Remember—God forgives! We can all relate to the words of Paul in the book of Romans: “For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” (Romans 7:19) God forgives, just for the asking, any and all of our sins. He provides a way of escape for us, but He also knows that in our sinful nature, we will still sin. And He forgives. 

To receive your FREE Scripture Memory Challenge verse card for the month, and for the rest of the year, send your name and address to 
shelly@shellyburke.net or 
Nebraska Family Times, 209 27th St., Columbus, NE 68601. $10 suggested donation to cover postage costs.  

"Raising Godly Girls" book review

A great resource for moms of girls of any age!

I'm so happy to announced the release of "Raising Godly Girls" by my good friend Deb Burma! 

If God has blessed you with the gift of a daughter (or daughters), He has entrusted you with both a huge task and a sometimes overwhelming privilege. In Raising Godly Girls, author Deb Burma comprehensively covers the wide range of issues related to faith and related to “the world”, that raising a daughter involves. 

Raising Godly Girls stands out among parenting books as a resource that moms can begin using at any time--when their girls are toddlers or almost all grown up--and refer back to again and again. As well as encouraging readers to incorporate faith into every aspect of the lives of their “princesses of the King” Raising Godly Girls directly addresses tricky, sensitive and uncomfortable topics that girls of all ages face today, including the pressure to dress and act sexually, body image and developing good character. Raising Godly Girls also recognizes the vital need for girls to have faith and the Lord infused in every aspect of their lives, through prayer, Bible study, devotions, and worship.

While Deb offers a wide variety of “real life” suggestions for facing the “real world” problems of today (she realizes that each family is unique),  she always guides us back to the best parenting book—the Bible. Through specific verses and narratives from Scripture, Deb shows us what the Lord desires of us as examples for our girls (and everyone around us) and how He desires them to act—“in the world but not of the world”.

For example, Deb shares how devotion time in their own home changed throughout the years as the kids (one princess, Courtney, who was integral in the development of this book, and two princes, her brothers) grew and schedules became busier. Deb also encourages moms who are new Christians, or perhaps have recently renewed their commitment to their faith, that it’s not “too late” to incorporate faith in their kids’ lives.

Raising Godly Girls is written in Deb Burma’s unique conversational style, filled with personal stories and anecdotes, and packed with scripture and encouragement on every page. She shares scenarios that all readers can relate to— like the hectic shopping trip with energetic toddlers after which she forgot to drive through the pick-up lane to pick up her groceries.

After presenting an issue specific to raising our girls, every chapter wraps up with three sections that show readers how apply the information in that chapter.   

•   Don’t Conform, Be Transformed helps readers apply the truths of that chapter with encouragement to live “in, but not of, the world.”
•    Word of Grace reassures us that our mistakes and sins, and the sins of our daughters—of long ago or of that very day--are forgiven through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
•           Show and Tell provides leads us to look inside ourselves to evaluate our own actions and motivations and gives concrete examples, from Deb and her daughter, Courtney, on whose experiences growing up Deb drew from extensively, for moms to show and tell her daughter the truths of that chapter. 

         To read more by Deb Burma, and to see where she will be speaking, go to her website Fragrant Offerings. To order "Raising Godly Girls" go to www.cph.org. 

A to Z Blogging "W is for..."

"...Worst Things to say in Any Situation"
From the Series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor, Nebraska Family Times Newspaper

Sometimes we’re tempted to use these phrases because we’re so uncomfortable with a grieving or suffering person’s emotions. Resist the temptation and do not say them! Instead, use one of the phrases on the next page, which will be much more comforting and helpful.

• “I know just EXACTLY how you feel!” (No, you don't know "exactly" how someone feels...even if the circumstances seem the same, they are not, and people do not react to or feel the same way even in similar circumstances.)
• “Don’t worry, it will all work out perfectly and everything will be just fine.” (You don't know this and can't promise it.)
• “Here’s what you need to do . . . “ (You don't know all the details, and even if you do, it's not your place to say what someone "needs" to do.)
• “It can’t be THAT bad!” (To the person it is happening to, YES it CAN be that bad!)
• “Get over it! You‘ve felt that way long enough.” (There is no timetable for grief. Grief after a death, divorce, or other life-changing event, will be life-long.)
• “You’ve grieved enough.” (How do you know what "enough"
  
  is?)
• “You’re not grieving in the ‘right’ way.” (What is the "right" way to grieve??? If you're concerned about how someone is reacting to grief, talk with a professional before confronting them. And do so in a kinder way.)
• “Don’t feel that way!” (There is no right or wrong way to "feel".)
• “Don’t say that!” (We say this because we are uncomfortable; it is a blessing to allow someone to share all of their thoughts and have them be accepted by the listener without judgement.)
• “Don’t cry!” (Again, we say this because we are uncomfortable seeing someone grieve. Push aside your own discomfort and give the person the blessing of letting her cry without judgement.) 

Click here for the The Best Things to Say in Any Situation
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The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27^th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at 

Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide, 

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”

Blogging A to Z on Throwback Thursday, "T is for..."

A to Z Blogging: T is for...Thoughts

By Shelly Burke, Editor

(This post originally appeared on April 23, 2013. I needed this reminder today and pray it blesses you as well!)

For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ…” 2 Corin. 10:5

My thoughts, especially in the middle of the night, can take me to scary places. “What if I lose my jobs—both of them…can’t get another nursing job of any kind anywhere in the whole state (or country!)… and I eat alllllllllll of the food in my cupboards….still don’t have a job so get evicted…and my Envoy breaks down….so I have to have it towed down by the river so I can live in an Envoy, down by the river…?(Like whatever that song is, about “ living in a van, down by the river”).

Or, even darker…”What if I can’t get insurance when our COBRA runs out…and then I get cancer (I’ve had two friends diagnosed with breast cancer in the last few weeks)…and I’m all alone…and NONE of my friends will take me to ANY appointments…and anyway I’m living in my broken-down Envoy, down by the river…”

OK, in the bright light of day, and even during the night, I realize how ridiculous these thoughts are. For one thing I am blessed with many wonderful friends who would help me out, just as I would help them.  But I think everyone has had those dark and racing thoughts at some point—especially during a time of transition and in the dark of night.

I think the devil likes us to have these thoughts—he wants us to live in fear, both to take away our joy of living, and to make us doubt what we know about God, and the promises that God has given us.

What Paul is telling us here is that we have more than just ourselves—our flesh—to fight these thoughts. We do not have to do it alone! We have the divine power of the Holy Spirit, working through God’s Word, the Holy Bible, on our side, to dispute these thoughts. We can look to His word and destroy the thoughts that are contrary to what we know of God.  

And what does God’s word say about His character and His promises to us?

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

     Deuteronomy 31:6

“And He will give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.”

Psalm 91:11

“Cast all your anxiety upon the Lord because He cares for you!”

1 Peter 5:7

Pray to be discerning, to be able to tell when your thoughts are going into those dark places. When dark thoughts enter your mind, take them captive. Compare them to what you know about God and about His Word. Claim His promises. Accept His peace.

A to Z Blogging "S is for..."

"...Stopping Spouse Bashing"
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the Nebraska Family Times newspaper

When you’re with friends or co-workers or a group of people, the conversation often turns to spouses and their shortcomings, and then further deteriorates into a session of spouse bashing. While you may enjoy having the momentary attention of having the ‘worst spouse,’ criticizing your spouse can erode your relationship with him or her. 

Here are some responses that will turn the conversation in a more positive direction.

What to Say 

• “I hate to criticize; after all, I’m certainly not perfect either!”
• “I am so blessed; my husband took the kids to the park so I
  
  could have a nap yesterday.”
• “On our last anniversary, my husband and I promised to never criticize or complain about each other to anyone else, but instead to talk with each other if there are problems.” 
• “My wife made me a wonderful supper last night, and afterwards, rubbed my back! I love her so much.” 
• “I made a resolution to not talk to anyone but my spouse about any complaints about him; do you want to join me on that resolution?”

What Not to Say

• “Wow, your husband sounds like a real loser!”
• “Let me tell you how much worse my wife is!”
• “I wouldn’t put up with that behavior--tell her to shape up or ship out.” 

What to Do

• Talk over problems with your spouse, not someone outside of your marriage. 
• If you need to talk with someone about small irritations or
  
  problems, do so to a close friend who shares your beliefs and will encourage you to improve your marriage, not add to the spouse bashing. 
• After you’ve talked with your friend, make an effort to talk about the positive attributes of your spouse. 
• When you are in a group and spouse-bashing begins, pray for the right words to say, or the strength to walk away from the conversation. 
• Consider making a commitment with your spouse to only say flattering and positive things about each other in public. 
• Say flattering and positive things about your spouse, whether or not he or she is within earshot. 
• Pray for your spouse; pray to see his or her strong points, not weaknesses. 
• Change the subject; to the weather, sports, or anything else!
• Walk away if the spouse-bashing continues. 

Don’t . . . 

• . . . join in by criticizing your spouse, or someone else’s, no matter how tempting it is to do so. 
• ...make passive-aggressive posts on Facebook; talk with your spouse instead. 

"Love is patient...love is kind...

it is not arrogant or rude...

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing...

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (excerpts)

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The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27^th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at 

Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide,

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”

A to Z Blogging "R is for..."

"...Racist, Sexist or Bigoted Remarks or Jokes"
from the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor, Nebraska Family Times newspaper

Stereotypical, racist, bigoted, or sexist comments about any group of people are never OK, but unfortunately are a common occurrence. Some people are offended by jokes about blonds or people of a certain age or ethnic or religious group, and some are not. Before you tell a joke targeting a racial, ethnic, social, or religious group of people, ask yourself if you would think it was funny if you belonged to that group. If you would be offended, or if you sense someone in the group would be offended, don’t tell the joke. 

Use the following remarks if unacceptable comments are made.

What to Say

• “That is a very sexist comment!”
• “Remarks like that are not appropriate.” 
• “That generalization is untrue for most of the group of people you are talking about.” 
• After a stereotypical comment; “Do you have facts to back that up?” or, “Actually statistics show that . . . “
• “I really don’t like jokes like that. Can we please talk about
  
  something else?” 

What Not to Say

• “ . . . um, er, you know, that’s not the nicest thing to say and maybe we shouldn’t talk about people that way, I think . . . “

What to Do

• Say a quick prayer asking God to give you the right words to diffuse the situation. 
• Say your comments in a calm, firm voice, with a serious expression on your face, and then change the subject to something neutral, like the weather or another generic topic.
• If this situation occurs in your workplace or place of worship, report it to a supervisor, the Human Resources representative, a pastor or elder or other appropriate person. 

Don’t . . . 

• . . . apologize for your beliefs about not making disparaging remarks. 
• ..."let it go." 

--------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”

by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!

 Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!

______________________________________________________

                                                                   

The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27^th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide,

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”

A to Z Blogging "Q is for..."

"...The Queen (or King!) of Drama"
From the series "Words Matter"
By Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher, Nebraska Family Times

(Author's note to my friends: God has blessed me with wonderful friends! I don't have any drama queens or kings in my life, so if you are reading this, it's not written *to* you. We all come in contact with drama queens or kings at some point in our lives (and speaking for myself I can BE a drama queen once in a while...) and I want to share some ways of interacting with them calmly and hopefully helping them with the drama.) 

We ALL have Drama Queen and King moments in our lives, or at least I know I do! These suggestions are for the person for whom every out-of-the-ordinary (and sometimes even the ordinary) occurrence is a crisis. A minor health complaint requires visits to multiple doctors and perhaps specialists. Unhappiness in a job or a perceived snub by someone necessitates lamenting about it all day and multiple vague Facebook updates or tweets. Even world events and national or global issues (the weather, homelessness) can cause this person distress well out of proportion with reality. Nothing can be ‘let go‘; everything is  personal in some way and must be discussed in great detail, often complete with tears. Any and every suggestion you, or anyone else gives, *will not work* to solve or even decrease the drama in the Drama Queen or King's life. 

It helps somewhat to understand what the motivation of a Drama Queen or King might be. Sometimes a person is lonely or doesn't feel that he or she is getting the attention he or she "needs." Some people have had drama of one sort or another present in their life, all their life and it is, to them, a normal and necessary part of life. Drama Kings and Queens can be exhausting to keep up with! If this person is a good friend your goal might be to help the person see how overly-dramatic he or she is being, but in a way that does not hurt feelings or irreparably damage your relationship. If the person is a distant acquaintance you might have to distance yourself from the drama. Always remember to show kindness; you are a child of God and we should always strive to show His love. 


What to Say 

• “Wow, that was quite a performance! Are you ready to talk about it calmly, now?”
• "Let's pray about it, that you will feel God's leading you to a solution." 
• “Since I don’t have millions of dollars to donate, and can’t go over personally to save them, I’m going to leave the plight of the horny toads in South Africa in God’s hands.” 
• “I can tell this is all very upsetting to you . . . Let’s get together to talk about it when I have a few minutes to talk about it.” (Sometimes just talking about something relieves some of the
  
  stress that leads to drama king or queen performances.)
• “What can we do about it?” (depending on the answer, encourage the person to take action or realize that he cannot do anything about this issue).
• If someone has been unwilling to take any action about the situation, kindly say, "When you are ready to do something about this, let me know and I will do what I can to help." 
• On a Facebook post: "You are in my thoughts and prayers." 

What Not to Say

• “Tell me more!” (if you say it seriously).
• “Don’t be ridiculous.” 
• “What is wrong with you?”
• “Why should I care?” (Be kind! The person may tell you, in great detail, why you should care!) 
• On a Facebook post: "You are such a drama queen!" or anything sarcastic or mean. Be kind! 

What to Do

• Pray for God’s guidance to deal with the situation in a way that shows His love. 
• Explain your point of view about the issue, objectively. 
• Point out the facts about the issue objectively. Perhaps the person will realize that it’s not the crisis he or she is making it out to be.
• Try to redirect the conversation to an area that is less emotional, like work, family, or the weather.   
• Distance yourself from the person if he/she is taking too much of your time and energy. This is not an easy thing to do, but may be the best solution. 
• See the positive aspects of the person beyond his actions. 

Don’t . . . 

• . . . react to the performance; calmly say, “We’ve already discussed that,” and then change the subject.
• . . . get caught up in a discussion if the person is clearly
  
  unwilling to consider another point of view or try anything to diminish the drama. Sometimes a discussion will only prolong the drama or allow the person to argue his or her position further.
• ...comment on a Facebook post at all if in the past the person has contradicted or reacted negatively to what you've tried to suggest. 
• ...get into a long "conversation" on Facebook if the Drama King or Queen has been unwilling to accept any potential solutions in the past. 

Is there a Drama Queen or King in Your Life? How do you cope?

---------------------------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”

by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!

 Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!

______________________________________________________

                                                                   

The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27^th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at 

Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide,

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”

A to Z Blogging "P is for..."

"...Politics and Religion" 
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher, Nebraska Family Times newspaper

People’s core values and morals are usually based at least partly on religious and/or political beliefs. Almost everyone has passionate feelings about some aspects of religion and/or politics, and since there are (at least) two sides to every issue, there are also many heated discussions about these issues. 

Here are several situations in which you might be, and possible replies:

What to Say

To start a discussion:

• “What did you think of the election?” 
• “What are your thoughts on _____________?”  
• “I’d like to hear your point of view; will you hear my thoughts too?”

You can disagree with actions of a person or group by saying,  

• “I do not agree with the decision to . . . “
• “I think they should have handled it differently . . . “

At an occasion or in a setting where a serious discussion is inappropriate--a funeral, for example--or when you can tell that continuing the conversation will lead to an argument, you might say:

• “I think we’re on the opposite side of that issue and this isn’t really an appropriate place to discuss it, so let’s talk about something else.”  
• With a smile, say, “You’re sitting at the table with three people who happen to take the opposite point of view! Let’s talk about something else.”

If the situation is escalating, diffuse it; 

• “I can see that we have very different thoughts about that, and
  
  
  
  that’s what’s great about America--we can all have our own point of view. How about this nice weather we‘re having?”
• “I don’t think any of us know all the details about that issue . . . let’s just talk about something else. What did you think about the championship game last week?” 

At some time, you will probably be in a situation where you want to talk about your religious beliefs or political views. Remember that the way you present your beliefs will influence how the other person receives them--if you are pushy, strident, critical of his or her beliefs, or confrontational in expressing your own beliefs, the person you are trying to convince might not even hear your message, let alone consider your point of view. Keep your voice calm and expression friendly. You might say;    

• “In our church, we believe _________; in contrast, your church believes __________.” 
• “Our religion teaches __________; how does that compare to what your religion teaches?” 
• “I think the neatest part about what I believe is . . . “
• “Here’s why I’ve taken my view of this issue . . . “
• “My political party is in favor of ________, while yours is against it.” 

What Not to Say

• “I’m right; you’re wrong.”
• “Your religion is really weird.”
• “Your political party is always for the wrong thing.” 
• “If you believe what you do, you’re stupid.”

What to Do

• If you do decide to get into a conversation about religion or politics, make sure you truly want to talk about the issue, not just argue about it, and are able to clearly state and explain your position, as well as calmly listen to another point of view. 
• Always remain calm when presenting your beliefs. If a particular issue comes up frequently, consider writing out and practicing the important points so you can present them clearly
  
  and calmly. 
• Calmly listen to the other person’s point of view, without interrupting. 
• If the situation is escalating, diffuse it by making one of the comments listed previously, or walking away. If you become angry, you will not convince anyone of your point of view, and might give the person a bad impression of the beliefs that are most important to you. 
• Many people know very little about politics or particular religious beliefs or practices. If you are well-informed and able to express your views calmly and clearly, consider yourself an educator and use your knowledge to share your beliefs and clear up common misconceptions. 

Special Notes about Facebook, Twitter and other social media:

• Be cautious about posting jokes or graphics about religion or politics on Facebook, Twitter or other social media. People can and do overreact to these no matter how you meant it--for a laugh, for discussion or just to state a point--when you posted. 
• Consider commenting on your post how you did mean the post to be taken: "Just posting this for a laugh!" for example, or
  "This clearly expresses my point of view." or, "This is very informative." 
• Don't feel that you have to respond to all comments or get into a "discussion", especially if other comments are rude. However, if you can express your thoughts and beliefs clearly, this is a good opportunity to do so; keep your remarks factual and objective without insulting or name-calling.
• Ignore comments that are rude or contain name-calling or inflammatory comments. 
• Remember that when you are posting, or reading comments, you can't "read" the emotion behind the comment as you can when you're talking with someone. Don't be automatically offended by a comment that might be meant as humor, and consider marking humorous comments that you make with an "LOL" or smiley face so people are clear that you are joking. 
• If you know your post will offend close relatives and/or friends, is it worth posting? Only you can decide. 

Don’t . . . 

• . . . use inflammatory words like ‘stupid‘, ‘idiotic‘, or anything demeaning. 
• . . . discuss a controversial topic if the other person is very argumentative or inebriated. 
• . . . use absolutes (always, never) when describing your own, or the opposing, point of view. There are almost always exceptions. 
• . . . have religious or political debates in an inappropriate setting, like at a funeral.

What do you do or say when religion or politics comes up in a conversation? Do you talk calmly about it or change the subject? 

------------------------

This post is an excerpt from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”

by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!

 Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!

______________________________________________________

                                                                   

The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27^th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide,

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”

A to Z Blogging "U is for..."

"...Unexpected Pregnancy"
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher, Nebraska Family Times newspaper

When a Friend’s Unmarried Child is Pregnant
A parent who is faced with a unmarried child’s pregnancy is confronted with many issues and choices, and will be feeling a wide range of emotions. The following comments and suggestions are appropriate to say to both the child and her parents. 

What to Say

• “We are keeping you and your family in our prayers.” 
• “God bless you for choosing life for your baby.”
• “I’m a good listener if you ever want to talk!”
• “Your child is blessed to have your love.”
• “We will support you all whether you decide to keep the baby or put her up for adoption.”
• "A baby is never a mistake. It might come at an inconvenient time or less-than-ideal circumstances, but a baby is never a 'mistake'."
• To the parents:
• “You taught your kids well; as parents we just can’t have total control over everything they do; at some point they make their own decisions. It is not your fault this happened!" 

What Not to Say
To the parents:

• “Does she even know who the father of the baby is?”
• “How could she live with herself if she gave the baby up for adoption?”
• “How were they so dumb to get into this mess--don’t they know about birth control?”
• “Didn’t you see this coming?”
• “They just have to keep the baby/give the baby up for adoption.”

To the child:

• “How could you be so dumb?”
• “How could you do this to your family?”
• “You have ruined your life!”
• “You have to . . . “ “You cannot . . . “

What to Do

• Think before you speak when you learn about the pregnancy, especially if you are shocked.
  
• Discourage abortion if they are considering it as an option; offer other options, provide the phone number for an adoption agency; offer to make an appointment and go with them. to talk with a pastor. 
• Encourage the family to work with someone trained in dealing with this situation. 
• Use the situation as an opportunity to talk with your kids about consequences of their choices. 
• Be friendly and say “Hello!” when you see the child or family in church, at school, at work, or in the store.   
• Send a card to the parents of the child, thanking them for choosing life for the baby, reminding them that kids make their own choices, and assuring them that you will keep them in your prayers. 

Don’t . . . 

• . . . pass on any information if you’re not sure the family wants it made public. 
• . . . speculate as to circumstances of the pregnancy, who the father might be, if the child will be placed for adoption, and so on.  
• . . . plan a baby shower or give gifts unless/until you know their plans regarding adoption. 
• . . . lecture; express your feelings and beliefs in a way that is godly and non-critical.
• . . . feel obligated to attend a baby shower or give gifts if doing so is not in accordance with your beliefs and feelings about the situation.  
• . . . accept plans for an abortion without expressing your pro-life beliefs. If you are reluctant to do this, remember that the life of a baby is at stake.
• . . . react with shock regarding the details of paternity, plans for the baby, and so on. Ask the Lord to guide your words and take a deep breath (or two or three!) before saying anything. 

If a Friend is Unexpectedly Pregnant

It might take your friend some time to get used to an unexpected pregnancy! She will appreciate your friendship and support. 

What to Say

• “How do you feel about the news?” and then, “Congratulations!” or “Oh, my!” depending on how your friend reacts to the news that she is pregnant. 
• “It is OK to have mixed feelings about your pregnancy!”
• “The baby is blessed to be coming into your family.”

What Not to Say

• “Better you than me!”
  
• “What were you thinking?”
• “Don’t you know what causes babies?”
• “Do you know what can go wrong in a woman your age?”

What to Do

• Accept your friend’s feelings of confusion, joy, anger, and/or ambivalence.  
• Let your friend talk, cry, yell. Accept her feelings and emotions.
• When you sense the time is right, remind her that God has His plan, and babies are a miracle and blessing. 
• Discourage abortion; encourage adoption if the situation is such that the person feels she cannot give the baby a good home. 

Don’t . . . 

•  . . . buy gifts or offer to loan maternity clothes or baby supplies until your friend is ready. 
• . . . criticize your friend’s feelings of confusion, ambivalence, anger, or disappointment. 
• . . . share the news with anyone until she says it’s OK to do so. 
• . . . accept plans for an abortion without expressing your pro-life views; the life of a baby is at stake!

 Have you been in either of these situations? What was the best or worst thing someone said to you? What did you say to someone in these situations?

----------------------

This post is an excerpt from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”

by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!

 Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!

______________________________________________________

                                                                   

The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27^th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide,

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”

A to Z Blogging "O is for..."

...Other Children and Your Child Not Getting Along"
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor, Nebraska Family Times newspaper

 In every young child’s life there seems to be, on occasion, a child who hits, kicks or bites; doesn’t share; screams or spits, and generally makes it difficult for your child to enjoy his company. The situation is made worse if the other child’s parents do not make their child behave in a socially acceptable manner. Here are some tactful ways to try to remedy the situation.

What to Say

• To the parent; “My child is a bit intimidated by your child’s yelling and screaming while they are playing. Could you talk with him about that before he comes over?”
• To the child (in front of the parent if possible); “We have a new rule at our house; no calling names. Anyone who does has to sit in the time-out chair. This includes moms, dads, and visitors.”
• If the situation is not improving, say to the parent, “Our children just don’t seem to be enjoying each other’s company lately. Let’s take a break from play-dates for awhile. I’m sure it’s just a stage and they’ll enjoy playing together again soon.”

What Not to Say

• “You’re just not disciplining your child like you should be. If you were, he wouldn’t be acting this way.”
• “Your kid is a brat and terrorizes other kids.”

What to Do

• If the issues causing you discomfort are differences in parenting style (how the parents discipline their child, for
  
  example), be careful not to sound judgmental. 
• Remember that what you say or do could potentially damage your relationship with the child’s parents and your child’s friendship.   
• If you feel the friendship is not healthy for your child, or your child no longer wants to spend time with the child, gently cut off play-dates. Don’t invite the child over for play-dates, and politely decline play-date invitations. If you do this several times, the friendship will probably gradually fade out. If the invitations continue, you might want to say something like, “This summer will be very busy for us; we won’t have time for play-dates.” “We’ve been so busy lately, we’ve decided to just concentrate on family things for awhile. I’ll let you know when we’re ready for play-dates again.”
• If the offending child’s home life is chaotic, contact with your family might be the only stability in the child’s life. Keep this fact in mind when you consider cutting off play-dates.

Don’t . . . 

• . . . overreact to minor skirmishes or disagreements between children. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post is an excerpt from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”

by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!

 Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!

______________________________________________________

                                                                   

The mission of the “Nebraska Family Times” is to “inspire, encourage and motivate you on your Christian walk.” To receive local, state and national news from a Christian point of view, as well as devotions, Bible Study and articles about all aspects of Christian life, in your mailbox every month, subscribe for only $20 for 12 issues! Click “Subscribe” on the sidebar or send your address and payment to Nebraska Family Times, 209 27^th St. Apt. #13, Columbus, NE 68601.

I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at 

Home is Where the Mom Is,

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”