A to Z Blogging "S is for..."

"...Stopping Spouse Bashing"
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Publisher of the Nebraska Family Times newspaper

When you’re with friends or co-workers or a group of people, the conversation often turns to spouses and their shortcomings, and then further deteriorates into a session of spouse bashing. While you may enjoy having the momentary attention of having the ‘worst spouse,’ criticizing your spouse can erode your relationship with him or her. 

Here are some responses that will turn the conversation in a more positive direction.

What to Say 

• “I hate to criticize; after all, I’m certainly not perfect either!”
• “I am so blessed; my husband took the kids to the park so I
  
  could have a nap yesterday.”
• “On our last anniversary, my husband and I promised to never criticize or complain about each other to anyone else, but instead to talk with each other if there are problems.” 
• “My wife made me a wonderful supper last night, and afterwards, rubbed my back! I love her so much.” 
• “I made a resolution to not talk to anyone but my spouse about any complaints about him; do you want to join me on that resolution?”

What Not to Say

• “Wow, your husband sounds like a real loser!”
• “Let me tell you how much worse my wife is!”
• “I wouldn’t put up with that behavior--tell her to shape up or ship out.” 

What to Do

• Talk over problems with your spouse, not someone outside of your marriage. 
• If you need to talk with someone about small irritations or
  
  problems, do so to a close friend who shares your beliefs and will encourage you to improve your marriage, not add to the spouse bashing. 
• After you’ve talked with your friend, make an effort to talk about the positive attributes of your spouse. 
• When you are in a group and spouse-bashing begins, pray for the right words to say, or the strength to walk away from the conversation. 
• Consider making a commitment with your spouse to only say flattering and positive things about each other in public. 
• Say flattering and positive things about your spouse, whether or not he or she is within earshot. 
• Pray for your spouse; pray to see his or her strong points, not weaknesses. 
• Change the subject; to the weather, sports, or anything else!
• Walk away if the spouse-bashing continues. 

Don’t . . . 

• . . . join in by criticizing your spouse, or someone else’s, no matter how tempting it is to do so. 
• ...make passive-aggressive posts on Facebook; talk with your spouse instead. 

"Love is patient...love is kind...

it is not arrogant or rude...

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing...

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (excerpts)

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I am also taking the Blogging A to Z Challenge at 

Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom's Guide,

where the theme is “Lifehacks for Christian Moms.”