"...Job Loss"
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor of the Nebraska Family Times newspaper
When Someone Loses His or Her Job
A person’s job is a part of his or her identity, so losing a job is difficult for emotional reasons, not just financial ones. Here are some suggestions for helping a friend through this experience.
What to Say
What Not to Say
What to Do
Don’t . . .
From the series "Words Matter"
by Shelly Burke, RN, Author, and Editor of the Nebraska Family Times newspaper
When Someone Loses His or Her Job
What to Say
- “I’m so sorry!”
- “How are you doing?”
- “Did you know it was coming?”
- “What’s next?” (The person might be planning to go back to school, look for a job in a completely different area, or open hisown business rather than looking for another job right away. Ask, so you can offer your help and support as you‘re able to.)
- “What can I do to help?”
- “How is the job search going?” (if the person is searching for another job).
What Not to Say
- “What kind of severance pay did you get?”
- “I knew that was a bad job for you.”
- “How will you pay the rent, medical bills, power bill, and groceries, now that you don’t have an income?”
What to Do
- Pass on job information, as appropriate. For example, tell your friend if a suitable position is available in your company, or if you see a promising job advertised in the want-ads.
- Be sensitive about asking questions like, “Did you send in that resume’?” “What are you doing today?” The person might appreciate your friendly concern, but could see your questions as implying that he is not doing enough.
- Offer your help in any area of expertise; writing or reviewing a resume‘, coaching the person on interview techniques, and so on. If you expect to be paid for typing a resume‘, make that clear before you do it. For example, mention, “I wish I could do this for you for free, but I have bills! I will do it for half price, which is . . . “ If you are doing it as a gift, make that clear, also. “If you’d like, I’ll be happy to type up your resume’ for you, no charge. Just spread the word if you’re happy with my work!”
- Let the person know with your words and actions that he is still your friend and your friendship isn’t based on him having a job.
- Be encouraging, but realistic, as your friend searches for a job or a new direction. If he wants to apply for a job you feel is totally inappropriate, ask questions which will lead him to think about why the job might not be appropriate for him.
Don’t . . .
- . . . make any discouraging comments about the job market, insurance, his bills, and so on. You can be sure these issues are already a worry to your jobless friend!
- . . . project your expectations on the person who has lost his or her job. He might not go about a job hunt as you would, or might choose to take a completely different path than you deem a good choice. Your job is to be supportive. If you feel he is making a mistake, ask questions about what you’re worried about and gently voice your concerns.
If You’ve Lost Your Job
What to Say
- “Would you please pray for . . . “
- “It was quite a shock to learn that I didn’t have a job after next week!”
- “I knew changes were coming, so it wasn’t a complete surprise.”
- When people ask what they can do to help, tell them!
- “May I use your name as a reference when I fill out job applications?”
- “I would like to get my resume’ to the right person in your office. To whom should I send it?”
- “Would you have time to take a look at my resume’ and give me suggestions to improve it?”
- “I’m thinking of opening my own home business. You’ve been running your home business for several years; could we get together to talk about what it takes?”
What Not to Say
- “I know you can get me a job at your company if you really want to.”
What to Do
- Remember to thank anyone who helps you, preferably in writing. If what they’ve done to help (like type your resume’) is part of their business, be sure to pass the information on to anyone you meet that could use the service.
- Only tell people what you want to about losing a job; it‘s not necessary to divulge details if you don‘t want to.
Don’t . . .
- . . . say anything negative about your old job or boss, or the people you worked with. You might be complaining to a potential employer!
- . . . talk negatively about your job search--that negativity will affect your attitude.
What has someone said or done to help you after you've lost a job, or what did you do to help someone after he or she lost a job?
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This post is an excerpt
from “What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and
Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky Uncomfortable Situations”
by Shelly Burke, RN. Coming soon!
Download “What Should I Say” and be prepared
for any of life’s sticky, tricky uncomfortable situations!
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